Dear Readers,
The words "the party" came up on screen and cut to all of us in Bea's car on the way to the party.
Gregg told me Cole might be there tonight. I said I hoped not. Bea didn't know what we were talking about so Gregg explained that Cole and I went out in junior year. I said yeah and it didn't work out so we should stop talking about it. Bea agreed. I looked just as glum as her.
I was just as glum at the party. I hated beer. In real life I don't drink so it's a bit hard to relate to Mae right now, apart from her not being into parties.
There was a big ol' campfire at this party. Some guy with an acoustic guitar just sitting around and plucking away too. Some slight chatter and laughs ringing out into the night too.
I tried talking with Bea but she was preoccupied talking with someone else, giving me terse, dismissive answers. I asked her who she was talking to and she said "Not you." Yeesh :(
I went over to Gregg and Angus in the corner instead. They said Cole was here. My pupils shrunk in cringe and fear. They asked if I was gonna talk to him and I said "No." they supported me saying it probably wasn't a good idea and brought up that song I wrote about him called "Go Get Dead, Angel Face" and I cringed loudly.
I talked to them again, frustrated that Cole was just standing there like nothing happened. I resolved not to let my night be ruined and that I was gonna go over and talk to him. They supported me, saying it was up to me to ruin my own evening. I thanked them. They're good supportive listening buds :)
I then brought up the dude playing the guitar. Gregg said "Yep. Playing the douchebag hits" and Angus said he liked this song and asked what was wrong with it. I told him not to worry.
Gregg said there was a guitar douchebag like this at every party. I told him that back at school they were extremely common, hanging out on the lawn and trying to look all sensitive. Angus was still all sad as to why this was a douchebag song.
I tried talking to Cole, but Mae wouldn't do it, saying she needed another drink. I couldn't do anything else so I took her to the keg. :( I had to see it through to progress in the game. Didn't wanna though! Gah! Ah well. She didn't want to either.
I thought beer was just one of those horrible things adults do like doing taxes and having babies.
I went up to Bea and told her she was grouchy. Her friend thought it was rude. I asked her how long she was planning on staying and she said we got here like 10 minutes ago. She looked at me and told me to pace out the drink as I was tiny.
I went to Gregg and Angus again, all fed up. We all took turns saying "Eff the world!". Then we heard a couple who were making out behind a rock nearby. I asked them if they wanted to stand anywhere else and they were happy enough where they were, saying they shouldn't as they were gentlemen!
I told them... Mae told them she was feeling the two beers. Angus said he didn't drink much and to be careful. They both said they'd watch out for me.
I went up to Cole and talked to him. He asked me how I was and I said I dropped out of school and now I (Mae) was drinking in the woods. He said wow or something and I barked at him asking what his problem was. I couldn't do anything else so it was back to the keg... :(
I went over to Bea, who was dismayed that I(Mae) was drunk. She wasn't drinking of course, since she was driving and all. I sang in celebration how I didn't have my licence.
Her friend asked who I was and when Bea told her she was like "Oh god." Bleh :(
Bea told me to sit by the fire and I (Mae) sang out how I was gonna go run around naked in the woods. Yikes.
I went back to Gregg and Angus. I wondered if the people making out behind the rock were buddies that met finding porn in a log like in olden days. Angus asked if it was as old as revolutionary war era and noted the cemetery back there too.
I told Angus that my dad knew his dad, that they used to work together back in the 80s and that they used to go drinking at the bar. I blurted that my dad had to stop drinking because he was a danger to me and my mom. I mean Mae of course here and... yikes :( They were worried. Gregg didn't like me saying "daddy" and Angus said I was not to drink again ever.
They lamented how they failed in chaperoning me and I thought it was cute Angus called Gregg "bug". It is a cute name :) they started saying the same thing as Bea, that I should sit by the fire and chill out as they were worried.
I sat by the fire and Cole came over to me. I called him by the name I used to call him when we were going out. He said wow and hadn't heard that in forever and I said it was only like three years. He said it was nice to see me, that he was just home from school for a couple of days and I told him to shut up already. I opened up to him in the worst way, that I hoped he wasn't gonna be here and how cute he was. He said thanks and I said I hated cute people. He said he was gonna go.
Then I hopped up on the stump I was sitting on and yelled out stuff about my nightmare eyes and about being a total trashfire and about stabbing. The music stopped. Bea, Angus and Gregg came over to me. Gregg wooped along saying "eff the world!" and Bea told me I was being threatening. I told her no! I was being body positive like on the internet.
I ranted more, saying "eff college!" and ranted about beautiful rich people there. I mentioned the statue that pointed at me everyday too.
I ranted how I never had a chance... couldn't go anywhere else... and now I was back home again... though at least I could do more than cry and sleep now.
Cole said he was sorry and didn't mean to upset me. He was gonna say something about me being a "really great..." but I interrupted him, yelling out that I was home again.
Then I got sick in front of him... in front of everyone.
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