Dear Readers,
With those two goth dorks out of the way, I hopped up on the car and onto the roofs, chasing after Bea.
The roofs were slippery in places from the rain. As I raced across them I kept slipping and falling on slopes. I wanted to stay up on the rooftops so I reloaded the save over and over. I had to watch Jackie yell at me and myself yelling at the goth dorks again, but I wanted to stay up there! Hopeful music played as I went along.
When I ran out of roofs I dropped and flopped down on the ground in front of Bea, who was safely sitting on a bench.
Bea! There you are! I said and asked if she was alright. She didn't respond. I asked her why she ran. I told her it was extremely dangerous! I told her she was alone in some college town and she didn't even know wh- and Bea butted in here, saying this was her party. These were her parties. She said she came to these so she could feel normal, for like, 2 hours a month.
While still flopped on the ground, I asked her "*This* is normal?" and said this was a bunch of dorks in a basement! I said college was stupid anyway.
She then snapped, calling me a complete butthole, telling me I would never understand this. Ever. She said when she goes to sleep... and she then laughed, saying this was so friggin' sad. She said she thinks obsessively about going to college, like really really think hard about it and if she was lucky, as she falls asleep, she would dream about it. She said she had to dream about this. This thing I was so over already was like her wildest fantasy. I told her "You *have* a life!" and she said no, she didn't. She had obligations. She had a routine.
Bea said when her mom died, her life ended too. She said she had to take over the business because her dad had a complete breakdown and the bills from her mom literally dying were so bad that they lost the house. The house she grew up in. Gone. She said some crappy family with their crappy kids lived there now. Does she mean the house where I saw all the kids talking about Little Joe on the first day? She said now they lived in an apartment as her dad wastes away and like any idea she had of the future, this big, bright thing, just gets smaller and darker.
Sad music started playing. Bea said her future got darker and smaller every time she woke up from a dream about nights like tonight, and I couldn't get that through my thick effing skull. I told her "That's not fair" and she said none of this was fair! Nothing was fair! She said she worked hard! She took care of what was left of her family and her life was slipping away and she was trapped in that stupid hardware store, in that stupid town. She said she. was just. Doomed.
I told Bea she wasn't the only person stuck here. She said I gave up the thing she couldn't have and that she... kinda hated me. She said she couldn't not hate me for that. A little. I told her "You don't know why I had to leave"
Bea said oh she was sure it was a brilliant reason. I told her she just sat there judging me and I asked her if she had ever even asked why I left. She said yeah, on the first day I was back. I said Oh. Right.
Bea asked me so why did I leave. I said I... then I got up on my feet and walked over to sit on the bench with her. I said I didn't know. I said my head was in pieces right now and that any answer I could give would sound nuts. She said oh, well that's illuminating. I said oh shut up.
I said all this stuff going on this past week? Ghosts and stuff? I said I met god! I said he was a butthole! She was like uh-huh... then aaaagh.
The camera then shifted to the view in front of us. Of the murky river. Of the bridge in the background lit by passing cars, street lights and more lights down below.
I told Bea look. We were both trapped. But we were trapped together. She made an ellipsis. I said better to be trapped with someone else, right? and she made another ellipsis.
I then said listen, I'm sorry. About... like... and Bea then said it was ok. I said we were like the best available friends. She laughed, saying oh god! Then there was a pause.
I asked what river was this. She said it was Red Winder. She said all the iron in the water turns the rocks orange. I said it must be weird for them. All the rocks on land got to keep their colours and the river rocks were always looking up at them. She went hm. Then there was another pause.
I asked her an actual question, if she thought we'd be friends if we weren't like stuck together in the same town, like the way we were stuck together in girl scouts. Like was this just... and I tried to find the word... and she came up with proximity. I said yeah. She said she didn't know, she honestly didn't.
Bea said her entire life felt like running after something that kept moving away into the distance while she stayed in the same place. She made another ellipsis before saying that proximity counted for a lot right now. I went hm, before saying the word prox-i-mi-ty slowly.
I said being stuck in a basement together, again, this crazy ol' basement we call life, Beatrice. She said thanks and that was uplifting.
After another pause I asked Bea if she wanted to go back to the party. She said nah. I said we could come to another one sometime! and that "I swear I won't screw it up!"
Bea said well, I had done it once so I should know how to not do it again. I told her she should have told me about everything. She said she was embarrassed. She said her entire life was embarrassing. I told her I was more embarrassing than she would ever be. I told her she was stronger and smarter than anyone I had ever met. She said thanks and said I wasn't as big a total idiot as she acted like I was. She acknowledged being a jerk sometimes, but she thought I was a genuinely... good? person. I said I'd take it!
I told Bea she knew what the Fort Lucenne fish fountain would say! She said what and I said Beatrice Santello, we should get burgers and shakes on the way home! She was like oh wow. A revelation from god! I said it was the good god. The fake one.
After another pause I said crap! I didn't get her info! Bea said who and I said it was this super cute girl I met at the party! I said we did a secret handshake. Bea asked if that was a euphemism and I said crap... yeah we needed to come back!
Bea then said to me: Ok, you. Let's go home. I said home again, home again.
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