385 night in the woods - opening up to bea about everything

Dear Readers,

Later again that night, Bea and I laid at both ends of the couch, both of us awake. Just like with Gregg last time, I decided to talk about why I beat down Andy Cullen 6 years ago.

I asked her if she knew why I did it and she said no, as we weren't talking back then. She also thought it would be weird for her to bring it up now too. I told her about the video game where you were dating ghosts and how I played it 24-7.

I told her about things becoming just shapes to me, about things just existing in the universe being dead. After all this Bea was like wow... that's... huh.

I told her about the softball game that took place the next day, about how Andy just became shapes and was so angry about it I just found myself beating him up and making him bleed all over the place. She was like omg, Mae... She asked if I talked to anyone about this.

I then said after it happened they made me go to therapy with Dr. Hank. Bea was like oh gaaaaaaaawd. He was the worst. I said he made me start a journal. She asked about it and I said he kinda just said it would help to be able to get my thoughts down. Bea asked if it helped and I said kinda? Sorta? But since this whole thing happened, when I was alone in a new place, it's all shapes, like back at the softball game.

I said I was doing fine at college for a while but I couldn't make friends. I was just afraid of being outside or around people alone. I told her about the statue and how scared I was before working up the courage to leave. I told her all about my college experience.

Bea said she didn't mean to be like... whatever, but it sounded like I was suffering from some serious stuff and she could maybe help me find some help for it. I said Dr. Hank already tried and Bea said she thinks Dr. Hank should stick to family medicine and dentistry and the half dozen other things he did and maybe leave the mental health services to someone else. Because there are such things as depression and anxiety and she didn't know if what I was going through existed.

I told her when I came home I felt so safe here for a few days and then all this stuff happened. It was upsetting me. Just like Gregg, Bea said shhhh and said it's gonna be okay and we'd figure this out. I told her I felt so scared. She said she knew, that we were all scared. But we were gonna make it and I should get some sleep.

I was about to say something but Bea had closed her eyes and was fast asleep already, even with that thing in her mouth! I hope that was the dummy! I made an ellipsis.

After a while I was standing by the door, about to leave. I said bye guys... Love you...

the hole in the centre of everything mini-section came up next.

There wasn't a lot that was different here when I opened up to Bea instead of Gregg this time but it was nice. I think I preferred opening up to Gregg more but I really did want to speak to Bea about my college experience.