Dear Readers,
Stargazing time! This time it was with Angus! The music changed to a variation on his theme that had a cool whirring UFO noise.
He asked me to find him some constellations and asked if they were gonna be real ones or fake ones. I answered just ones that I remember or dreamed that one time.
I asked him if he remembered Mr. Chazokov and he said he did! As a science teacher. I said he lived in Underhill and has a telescope on his roof and I saw some stars through it. He said that was cool, that telescopes were cool and he wished he had a telescope.
I started connecting stars with my finger. I made a shape and it became a cat with arrows in its back while reaching for a diamond. Angus said he remembered it and asked if I remembered stories about a forest god. I said "No?", knowing only about shooting that decoy thing with Gregg. Angus said there were a whole bunch of stories, there was someone named Adina... and I jumped in and talked about Adina and the frozen lake. He said that was one of them and continued talking about the cat, how it liked shiny things and was good at getting through the forest and was really good at stealing. I said I used to call him asscat when I was little. Angus continued and said the cat stole a diamond from a king and got arrowed to death, but was so slick that he jumped out of his body and became immortal. I said that was decent and he said it was extremely decent.
I connected a triangular constellation underneath and it became a bell with an eye. Angus said he knew a little bit about this one from prog rock album covers. I said "I think you die when it rings when it's looking at you" and he said it was high up enough it's always kinda looking at all of us so... yikes.
To the left I connected another pattern to make a whale that had trees, houses and mountains on its back. Angus said that was sad and I asked him "Why?". He asked why did it have to carry the whole world, that it was really unfair. I laughed and agreed. He said it was legitimately upsetting and wondered why people made these up. He wondered who saw a whale and decided it needed to be carrying something. I said "I mean whales are pretty big." and he asked what the whale was swimming in. I answered that it was space! Then he said he guessed it was dumb to get mad at ancient people.
Above the whale I connected a pope pattern, one that breathes fire like I wanted the statue at the church to do. Angus said this one was real, or at least the dude was. I told him it was the Rubello statue at the church and he said they didn't go there. I asked him "Did your family go to church?" and he said it was to weddings and funerals and Longest Night just. I said I didn't think those first two things counted as they were like events. I told him my mom worked at the church now and I didn't really go since I was 14 or 15. He asked if she minded and I said she pretended not to.
I noted that we really were way out here in the park and it was kinda spooky. He said it was pretty safe and the stars were pretty. I asked him if he really didn't believe in ghosts at all and he said he didn't believe in ghosts or gods... or psychic powers or anything like that. I asked if he didn't believe in them at all at all and he said there was no evidence for them and people had really tried. I asked if he ever believed and he said he did as a kid. I asked him to tell me about it.
After a pause he opened up about something. He didn't know how much Gregg told me but he said he didn't have the best childhood. I said I think I heard that and asked him why it was bad. He said his dad didn't like him... and neither did his mom... I said he didn't have to talk about it if he didn't want to...
...While we were on this subject, view shifted from one constellation to another...
...Angus said it was fine and continued. He said his dad used to hit him a lot and his mom was probably worse. She used to not feed him, which was why he really liked cooking now. He said that last part with a little laugh to lighten the mood I guess...
...He continued some more. He said his mom would shove him into the pantry and slam the door really hard and all the stuff would fall off the shelves on top of him. I told him I had no idea about any of this and that this was awful. He continued, saying she would lock him in there for a day at a time sometimes or overnight. He would then try to develop psychic powers so he could signal the neighbours or unlatch the door. It didn't work.
I asked him if he ever told anybody and he said he never did and didn't know why. He said that after a while he started feeling guilty too for some reason, like this was something bad he was doing. I said like... being abused? I told him that wasn't his fault at all, he was just a kid!
He said not to worry, that he knew that now and boy did he ever. I asked him if I could go and kick all of their @$$es. I said I had experience and could eff some stuff up. He said that his mom was kinda old now and with a shudder he said he still had to visit her sometimes. He also said he had a brother who was overseas in the army and that his dad left about 10 years ago. He didn't know where he was or if he was even alive... and if he was alive he didn't want to know about it.
I told Angus I just wanted to give him a hug forever.
He laughed and said he was luckier than a lot of kids and was glad he didn't... and he didn't finish that sentence. He went back to my original question. He said that testing his psychic abilities in the pantry made him really interested in paranormal stuff and science. He joined a sceptic society on the internet, which kinda ruined him on a lot of other supernatural stuff. It gave him something to solve, something you could debunk or know. He said it saved him a little bit, because when someone does all that stuff to you it can make you do some bad things to yourself. But yeah, no ghosts or god for him.
I said I felt like if I'd been through that, that I would be more likely to want to believe in god or believe in something. I asked if he believed in anything at all. He talked about the stars and how the constellations were something people just made up as well, that it was something they wanted to believe in and they just wanted to find patterns they could recognise and believe in. So he said he believed in a universe that doesn't care and people who do.
I said I felt like a lot of people didn't think they found god, but like, god found them when they were having bad times like he did. He said god never did, that he was completely alone in the pantry. But years later, Gregg did. He said the stars could stay up there and not give a darn about us, but this whale was pretty darn cool. I told Angus he was an extremely good and smart person. He said he tries, but he's no more so than anyone else.
The scene shifted back to us sitting on the log. We laughed in fun. I said I should come out here more often. Angus said not to look at him. I asked who and he said there was someone standing behind us.
The music died.
OMG.
It was only then I noticed — it was the ghost!
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