27 night in the woods - getting ready for the party in front of the mirror

Dear Readers,

Before the party I went in home to find mom and dad in the kitchen. They had just made tacos for dinner! They asked if I wanted some.

I said "I want tacos. Every day. All day." and dad said "The family that tacos together rockos together". We weren't impressed and he was all like "You've all turned against me". Aww... dads :)

Mom asked if I wanted sour cream on my taco and I said "I. Want. Everything."

You know, in real life I never had tacos and I'm not particularly fond of sour cream flavoured stuff. It's popular in America though and it could very well be the next big thing here. Wraps are quite popular already.

Afterwards I went upstairs to get ready for the party, to make sure I didn't look like a cave beast.

I went online first. I asked Bea if she was ready and she asked if I was ready. Gregg also told me to get ready instead of being on the laptop. Time to get ready! I clicked on Sharkle for good luck.

I looked in the mirror. I had some stickers on there with pictures of a chibi-ish face, a bird thing, a diamond thing and ones that said "DRONER" and "thee GASHES", whatever they were. I subjected myself to myself... I thought "God, this shirt really accentuates my roundness, doesn't it?" and "It's cool, dude. Round is ok.". I was being body-positive like the internet said. I tried to affirm that people liked me, but then I thought "You don't like people. Clearly." I quoted the results of some online test I took about my social life. I said to myself I was doing stuff wrong, making a hermit of myself, that I'd die alone in the middle of winter, waiting for pizza from friends I didn't want to see.

I then thought of Cole. Bad memories. I thought "He's probably up at school or whatever." and being all successful. I hoped to whatever god that he wasn't gonna be at the party. Then I started thinking it was gonna be a disaster and wondered what I was gonna say. I thought "Hi, I'm Mae! I dropped out of college earlier this week!", with a big wave and sarcastic enthusiasm. Then I thought this was another road to hermit-dom, that this was hopeless...

Then I wished myself luck... and answered that I make my own luck with a luck machine!

Gosh! The stuff we say to ourselves in front of mirrors! Hyping up for a party, going through doubts, wrestling with negative stuff that almost puts us off going to parties, wondering what we're gonna say at parties... it happens with everyone doesn't it? Doesn't matter who you are really.