Dear Readers,
Gregg and I walked out to the Food Donkey. It was quiet and derelict.
On the side of the building it said in faded writing "THE HEART OF HOMETOWN SINCE 1972". There was no music here, just a ghostly wind blowing.
As we arrived, Gregg was chatting to me about someone being found. It was depressing for me to come home to see this place out of business. Gregg said it was a shock to everyone. I had memories of us making pictures for Thanksgiving and they put them up on these windows. Gregg remembered too, how it was a donkey dressed up as a turkey.
We got closer to the door. In the background was a wide open deserted car park, apart from some overhead lights. I asked Gregg what they did with all the food and he said the "Donkey-Turkeys" got 'em. "Donkturks" I called 'em. He called them "Durnkeys"
I asked him what we were doing here and he said "Crimes." I... being Mae... was super into it. He said he was living clean for too long and that we ran this town. Wow! Couple of rogues these two!
He started flapping his arms around. I wondered what he was doing. He was trying to catch someone's attention who was inside.
We went inside to an uncanny smell and some sneaky heist music. I asked what it was and someone said "Glue." The guy finally appeared to my disdain, saying "Sup ladies." It was an unsavoury looking dude I knew as Steve Scriggins. He made an obnoxious fart noise with his mouth.
Gregg had some kind of deal with him. With no pleasure I said I remembered him and he said he bet everyone remembered me. I asked him "What are you doing in here?" and he said "Your mom." Bleh... There was banter and it was not good. Gregg chimed in, saying could they get on with... whatever it was. They walked off to the right with hot dogs in their speech balloons.
I started moving after them too. I couldn't run or jump here at all. Gotta be sneaky I guess. I caught up with them. Gregg asked if something still worked and Steve said Beth Holstead was here 6 months ago and she swore it still talked and didn't even have to press a button. They continued further to the right and had a raincloud in their speech balloons.
I caught up with them again at a locked door. Steve was pretty angry and said it must've been Beth or Levy or the "Train Trash". It was weird how any door here was locked at all. Steve thought about breaking the door down and Gregg thought about grabbing his lock-pick stuff. I suggested there must be a key and Steve was like "whatever" and started kicking the door. Gregg ran off to the left.
I was able to run and jump again. I caught up with Gregg and asked him what he was doing. He said he was looking for something to break the door down. I said I was looking for a key because I was smarter and he said he got to break things this way. That quietened me!
Gregg wondered how much glue they used in here. I told him I was gonna check the office above for a key and he said to be careful of the broken glass. We said "Dumb Death" to each other.
I jumped up on some structures and was able to reach the office that way. Through the broken glass entrance I found a key on the noticeboard. I thought to myself that it was no wonder this place went under with people leaving keys all over the place. I nabbed it. I yelled out "Found some keys!" but it fell on deaf ears. They were now both kicking at the door.
I caught up with them again and told them to stop before they break their femurs or something, calling them idiots. Gregg said he wasn't an idiot and I said I was sorry to "Idiot and Gregg" before telling them I had keys. Haha, "Idiot and Gregg" :) I'm not sure what my beef is with Steve. He said it was no wonder this place went under with people leaving keys all over the place. It upset me that he said the exact same words I was thinking. He said he thought the words better. Yeesh... this guy...
I got an icon to insert key and I opened the door. The music stopped and it was just a ghostly draught blowing with some creaking and scratching happening somewhere. Steve went on through. I asked Gregg "Why are we doing crimes with this guy?" and he said "Robbers can't be choosers." I insisted they could though. Steve whinged how he could hear us talking about him.
Gregg and I went inside and music started playing. Different kinda heist music, like it was well underway. There were three big figurine heads on the wall, figures I found big and terrifying and cool as a kid. Gregg said they were smaller in pieces and I said "I dunno man they're still pretty big."
Gregg decided we were stealing one of these. I wasn't sure it was stealing if they were just discarded here and he said it feels better if we think of it as stealing. Gregg went "AAAGH" and I responded "AAAGH?" He yelled louder. I asked "Are you ok?" and he screamed even louder again. I said "Dude! What!" It turns out he was just indecisive as to which figure to steal so I chimed in that I'd pick. He stepped aside and let me choose between the frog/turtle(?) head, the pig head and the donkey head. Gregg lamented how bad he was at making decisions and I reminded him he picked out our tuxes for junior prom. He agreed he was good at that and I asked him if he remembered Tim Whitley riding in on a giant tractor into homecoming. He said he did and asked if I picked yet. I said "Dude Gimme Time". He said it was serious business, so yeah it was important. He was hungry though and so was I and we said we should eat later. Steve was getting impatient too!
Instead of picking I talked with Gregg again. He asked again if I picked out something and I had different choices this time! I said "You give me a sec." in a quivery impatient voice. He told me to chill.
I chatted with him yet again! For fun :) He asked if I had picked and I said "Nope!" and that was kind of it for those possibilities of things to say.
I decided on the donkey head. It was the Food Donkey after all, right? I said I remember these things being horrifying to look at and Steve said he had to look at our faces with a mocking laugh. I stared at him with narrowed eyes. Gregg said this donkey head was cute and Steve mocked him. I told Steve he was a disease.
So uh... it turns out this wasn't a donkey head— it was a rabbit head. I decided to check out the other heads.
The pig head we remember having sausage links. Steve said he was eating his own kind and I butted in and said it could be her kind. He called me the PC-Police and I told him to PC himself into traffic. Burn! :) We said how it was like a cannibal pig and Steve whinged how I was taking so long. I yelled at him to bite on my entire ass and to choke to death on my entire ass. He was puzzled and Gregg said it was "Classic" Indeed it was :) glad I have him to back me up.
The frog head Gregg remembered having dreams about. Steve got all smartarsed again and said they were sex dreams and the only ones he could get. Gregg asked if frogs even had sex and I said nah, that they had eggs or something. Steve called us really dumb.
I decided on the rabbit head finally. Gregg called it "Mecha-Bunn". Steve sassed us again, we sassed him back and he just up and left us to carry the thing ourselves, telling us to "get found dead, punks" Gregg said he said "punks" like it was a bad thing. Gregg is so good... patience of a saint around this Steve guy.
I asked Gregg what deal he made with Steve. He told me Steve was allowed to shoplift anything he wants from the Snack Falcon while he was working. I said he was scum and a criminal.
Oh well. It was just the two of us now to take this big rabbit head away. (I keep calling it a donkey head)
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